Anonymous asked:
Which bear is the most shaped bear ever? My vote is sun bears
You ever look at the big shawarma in kebab shops and just want to ask them to give it to you. I want the King Meat. I want the big dinosaur drumstick. I want hold my mouth up and use my teeth to peel it as it spins.
When I was like 18 I worked for a gyro place for a few years and was good friends with managers, important later. We had 3 of the machines that spin and cook/ heat the gyros, it’s important to mention that our gyros came precooked but frozen and the machines only really cooked a few inches in at a time, you could only really get 2 or 3 shavings in before it got cold and mushy.
I don’t remeber the circumstances leading up to it but there was 1 full hunk of gyro, the thing weighed to 25 - 30 lbs of pure meat, just spinning. We couldn’t sell it, couldn’t throw it out, couldn’t take it home, it was just there cooking away. At some point during the day I was left alone, never a good thing I will cause chaos when an opportunity arises. I KNEW this thing was going in the trash at the end of the day and that I was good enough with the managers to not get into to much trouble.
When enough time by myself passed I did it. I put my apron up to my chin, lowered the temperature on the machines and started digging in. I turned my head to the side and started ripping into this hunk of meat. I felt like a shark, I wasn’t chewing, I wasn’t tasting I just went. There was oil all over my face it, i could feel my cheeks press against the more rounded bits of the gyro, there was gyro just everywhere it was a mess. I got maybe 6 or 7 bites in before I heard the back door open and I ran to the bathroom to hide and hopefully enjoy the sensation I’ve just allowed myself.
I slam the door shut, back pressed against the wall and I hear my manager, normally a loud and fun guy who is trying to get through the rest of the day like the rest of us, very quietly, destroyed even, say to himself ‘what the fuck’. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it’s so horrible it’s hilarious. My apron and shirt are drenched in oil, I have gyro meat in my hair, I can feel the pimples on my face forming as the oil just gets absorbed by my decision, my cheeks are so full of gyro that I look like a hamster, absolutely stuffed.
I try to actually start chewing on my newly acquired lunch and at first it’s good, great even!! The gyro was nice and hot, some parts even crispy, the flavor was amazing. Something about cavemaning a full thing of meat really does enhance the flavor of it. But as I started to enjoy it more it got worse. Some of the bites I had taken, in my overzealous of giving in to the intrusive thoughts and not wanted to get caught, I bit into parts that hadn’t been cooked yet. What crispy and flavorful food turned into cold mush, not unlike playdoh, in only a few bites. I ended up spitting everything out and trying not to throw up.
After a few minutes hiding I come out, face washed, gyro removed from wherever it decided it wanted to be in the aftermath and apron tossed in the trash wrapped in a burial dress of paper towels to hide the smell. I see my manager just staring at the slowly spinning gyro, one side untouched as if nothing happened, the other absolutely decimated. Full mouthfuls gone, strips of meat hanging off the sides of dents I had put in, there was one that was just teeth imprints from where I thought I was going to get caught and didn’t finish the bite. I walk up to my manager, he doesn’t look at me, eyes dead set on the meat just carouselling in it’s warmer. We spend maybe 30 seconds looking at it together, him probably wondering why I smell so strongly of gyro even though I don’t even like it, me wondering if he’s going to catch on to the fact that I did this and have no defense for myself other then ’ I saved you the other half’. During my managers mourning of this gyro we couldn’t even sell I clocked out and went home, this event never spoken of again.
This story feels biblical to me. In every way. This could be a new religion.
OP’s ambition and clarity of vision really rocked me at first - like, of course, why DO we not simply ask for the King Meat; it’s right there, it’s always been there, how foolish that we did not even perceive it as something we could acquire. But @hoodie-lum , it was your story that gave me peace.
stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn’t know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn’t know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day
happy one year anniversary to possibly the best plum poem since william carlos williams’ “this is just to say”
I really want to read Wolfram’s latest ramblings about physics and watch the beautiful cellular automata graphics but as usual it’s like a kilometer worth of scrolling
I thought I’d share if anyone is interested
Anonymous asked:
Which bear is the most shaped bear ever? My vote is sun bears
bearotonin-international answered:
also are bots still swarming everyone with follows or is it just me?